Dealing with 'Fires'

[Circe]

Hi everybody!

I would like some advice on how to deal with 'fire' people. I find that they are always the ones in my life who are the most difficult to get on with. I have a few people in my life, all either fire signs or with a lot of fire in the chart, who are abrupt and critical towards me, shutting down my suggestions and overriding me all of the time. They certainly don't tolerate the same behaviour back at them though. It's like they have to be the boss. They also don't respond favourably if I attempt to discuss our dynamic. They either shut down or get extremely defensive (and sometimes dishonest), even when I do all of the textbook things like say 'I feel x,y,z when you do x,y,z.'

I personally have my sun in Gemini and am a Libra rising. My true node is in Libra and three other planets are in air signs too. So, I have a lot of air! I thought air and fire are meant to be compatible, and that air feeds fire, but these people just drain and hurt me! My partner is more of an 'earth' (great for someone with a lot of air), and his suggestion is to exclude the 'fire' people from my life as they are so toxic to me. Sometimes that's not possible though, especially if they are family members or work colleagues.

I am clearly missing something major here.... any advice would be greatly appreciated.

xx
Circe

[diazepam]

Hi, I'm an Aries born on the cusp of Taurus so I have the Aries temper with the down-to-earth style of Taurus.

Every sign is toxic and if you were to remove every toxic sign you'd have no one left. Here are some responses to what you wrote:

"who are abrupt and critical towards me, shutting down my suggestions and overriding me all of the time."

This is typical fire sign behavior. They are blunt and critical. Their mentality is that if you can't handle the heat, get out of the kitchen. Since you are mostly Libra, you look for tact and finesse; not going to happen. Fire signs can be as critical as they want because if you are wounded by what they say then they see it as a sign of weakness and lose interest.

"They certainly don't tolerate the same behaviour back at them though."

Fire signs are highly sensitive to criticism. They are insecure about failure and any criticism is seen as an attack on their potence. That is why they are so critical of others. The key to remember is that fire signs will react to criticism in two ways after the blow up on you: they'll either destroy you or they'll amend their ways at a later date. They'll lose their temper but they are quickly forgiving if someone apologizes. Fire signs want to be domesticated but they don't want to be controled or restrained.

"It's like they have to be the boss."

Fire signs want to be the boss. But they also want to serve and be in charge. They are leaders but despite their selfish nature, they will fight to the death to defend and give back to those who they see as equals. People associate bosses with jerks but I've had bosses who I respected because they tamed me by earning my respect. Leaders are the boss but the job of a leader is to help his followers.

"They also don't respond favourably if I attempt to discuss our dynamic. They either shut down or get extremely defensive (and sometimes dishonest), even when I do all of the textbook things like say 'I feel x,y,z when you do x,y,z.' "

Fire signs are not feeling signs. Those are the water signs. Fire signs say "I am!" not "I feel." They are independent and any statements of "I feel" are signs of weakness. Yes, the textbooks say to make I statements but the minute I feel comes out of your mouth it is an attack on their power and freedom and a display of weakness on your part. The fire signs like Dr. Phil, not Oprah and they don't want to have discussions about how you feel or where you feel your relationship is going.

Libra and Aries are not good combinations. Fire signs see Gemini as too nagging and neurotic.

Fire signs are very draining to those people not capable of handling them but once they are domesticated they are loyal, passionate, and will lay down their lives for you.

I have only had a few women domesticate me. I'll be their eternal slave. The rest I destroyed them.

Fire signs show you who you really are. You don't sound like an air sign. You sound like a water sign. You may have Cancer tendencies if you are a Gemini.

If you want to know how to domesticate a fire sign, watch the TV show The Dog Whisperer and apply the same techniques. Confidence is a key. Display power but not aggression or challenge, etc...

[Roxanne St.Mart]

I am relatively new to the world of astrology but find it extremely fascinating in terms of accuracies.

The information regarding fire signs is very helpful to a personal situation. I am a water sign (Cancer) with north node in Cancer, and a close friend is Sagittarius with north node in Scorpio. It feels like we are speaking different languages most of the time. The information regarding feelings vs. I am may prove useful in the coming weeks/months. I am still somewhat uncertain how to navigate the differences but I am voraciously reading whatever I can to help me out.

Any additional advice you might provide would be most appreciated. Currently a significant miscommunication of feelings/thoughts has lead to a disastrous ending. I have apologized profusely, taking all the responsibility (which was in fact above board). His response has not been favorable. Is it typical of fire signs to withhold so much in an attempt to maintain total control?:confused:

[emilyolivia33]

Well...clearly there is something about these "fire" types that you are needing to learn. Maybe it is to stick up for yourself, or maybe it is how to create positive boundaries so that nobody can "drain" you. Maybe they are here to teach you how to be more courageous. I don't know exactly why. A good friend of mine always says, "What we resist, perisists." I would meditate on this situation, and ask for guidance on why these fire types have entered your life. What are you resisting in this situation? What change can you make in your responses that can change your reality?

Love, Emily