COSMIC LOVE REPORT
Sex & Romance Scope
by Jan Spiller
Sandra Bullock Born in Arlington, Northampton, VA at 03:15 on 1964-07-26
The information in this report, based on the sign of your North Node, will help guide you toward creating success in an intimate relationship.
A relationship involving sexual bonding can present the greatest challenge to expressing the best part of ourselves. These relationships contain tremendous intensity – there is so much to gain, and so much to lose. Thus our tendency is to take refuge in personality qualities that are habitual to us – the most “familiar” – as a security blanket for approaching intimacy.
From the standpoint of karmic astrology, that which is the most familiar is the least successful. As part of our personality that has been overdeveloped in past lives, it has thus rendered itself lifeless – without charge. Whatever we approach from that part of our nature we render lifeless as well.
Success depends upon approaching intimacy from a part of ourselves that has life and vitality – from a karmic perspective, it is the polar opposite to that which is familiar and staid. This report contains very specific information about the habitual patterns of response that result in your losing the potency and joy of a successfully bonded relationship. More importantly, it also contains those keys that will put you in the position of power to win the joys of closeness and the incredible mutually supportive bond possible in a successful sexually intimate relationship.
SPECIAL GIFTS YOU ARE BRINGING TO THE RELATIONSHIP
MISCONCEPTIONS THAT BLOCK INTIMACY
COMPLAINTS OF YOUR PARTNER
HOW TO SUCCEED IN A SEXUALLY INTIMATE RELATIONSHIP
Paying Attention to Feelings
As a Cancer North Node person, one difficulty in sexually intimate relationships is that you are so geared to reach goals that you often regard emotions as being a time-consuming distraction. Although this may be true in some business situations, in personal relationships you are learning that it is essential to include the realm of emotions.
In business, success is attained by defining a goal and strategizing how to get there. Sometimes it is appropriate to withhold certain information in order to achieve the goal. For instance, at an interview it makes sense not to volunteer the fact that you are broke or that you feel inadequate to the challenge of the job description. You step up to the plate, play the role, and deal with your insecurities on your own.
However, intimate relationships can only be truly successful if there are no preconceived external goals and no pretense. It is paying attention to feelings and honoring the moment-to-moment integrity of the process that leads to a positive outcome. The goal itself is to be sensitive to the feelings of your partner and maintain clear and honest communication, not withholding information – or taking action – in order to reach some external goal.
For example, if you are exploring a new personal relationship, you may view establishing a commitment or the sexual liaison as goals to be achieved. In the process, you may not give the important feelings that could make the relationship worthwhile an opportunity to develop. If you are focused on a “goal” your timing will be off. You may move too quickly – and even if you reach your goal, the emotional connection required for true intimacy may be lost.
A better approach would be for you to ask your partner: “Do you feel emotionally ready to go to the next level of involvement?” It is even more essential for you to stay in touch with your OWN feelings. You have deflected your need for emotional closeness based on true affinity for so many lifetimes that you can lose touch with your internal “affinity Geiger counter.” As a result, you may not even know how you feel about someone, which creates doubt and confusion for both parties.
Since you are so sensitive to any sign of disapproval or abandonment, it is vital that you feel an emotional bond and a sense of safety with your partner before taking the relationship to the physical level. Otherwise, when the sexual component is added, these deep fears can become overwhelming. Once you truly get to know your partner and to feel if there is a base of compatibility and mutual support, you can relax and allow the process to evolve naturally into its own authentic outcome.
If Cancer North Node people get upset and decide the relationship isn’t going to work, they can be very controlling about it. They may disconnect emotionally and become cold and withdrawn, and not even be receptive to the other person’s willingness to make changes. The other person just feels cut out – there’s nothing they can do to maintain the flow of nurturing emotional energy that could heal the situation.
All relationships are faced by challenges. If the exchange of emotional nurturing isn’t there as the reward, then neither person will want to do the work required to make the relationship successful. By withholding the emotional bond, you inadvertently guarantee that the relationship won’t be satisfying for you or the other person.
As a Cancer North Node person, you unconsciously sabotage your relationships when you mask your feelings and concerns to obtain a specific result. For example, a client with this nodal position had a long-standing platonic relationship with a woman he had always been attracted to. At one point the relationship shifted and began opening in a romantic direction, but he didn’t pursue it for fear that it wouldn’t work out and he would lose her friendship.
Rather than communicate his concerns, he remained silent. By not sharing his concerns he didn’t allow her to connect with him in deciding whether or not to take their relationship to the next level. Also, because she could sense his anxiety without understanding the cause, his failure to communicate damaged the friendship he was trying to protect.
You are learning that in personal relationships, whatever you are concerned about is exactly what you need to reveal to your partner in order to determine the direction that can create happiness for both parties.
Expressing Your Needs
Another danger for Cancer North Node people in relationships is when you hold on to your old belief that you’re going to be let down. Then you constantly look for evidence that your belief is correct – and find it – because that’s how you interpret everything that happens.
This blocks intimacy because you are always making mental lists of the ways your partner is letting you down rather than focusing on all the ways your partner is supporting you. And your partner feels they can’t do anything right because all you see is what they are doing wrong. You may get angry at your partner for not meeting your needs, but chances are you haven’t specifically said: “I need this.” It’s a symptom of emotional immaturity to expect others to intuitively know what you need.
You are leaning to acknowledge your insecurities and then allow your partner to support and nurture you in their own way, without trying to control the situation. You allow for the highest good to unfold when you simply say: “I need your support because I feel ____,” and then let your partner nurture you according to their own intuitive promptings. Sometimes you can more easily open to receive nurturing by first nurturing the other person, and then consciously tuning in to experience your partner’s enjoyment.
For example, I had a Cancer North Node client who gave her boyfriend scalp massages, and he would enjoy it so much that she could feel his energy of love and appreciation. This emotional connection allowed her to feel safe enough to begin creating a deeper bond between them, which enabled her to take in more of the nurturing that he provided.
Sharing Your Love
The difficulty Cancer North Node people have with nurturing in their sexual relationships is actually part of their core issue of lacking awareness of feelings. To heal this underlying problem, you are learning to notice fluctuating moods and accept them – without trying to change them. You are also learning to suspend your old response of feeling threatened when your partner expresses a need or feels anxious. Then you can seek to better understand your partner by asking them what’s going on, and giving them an opening to reveal themselves.
In fact, when you show your caring by asking what your partner needs, then you always know exactly the right thing to do or say. And as you become more familiar with the flavor of different emotions, you will start to feel more comfortable with others’ feelings. Then, if your partner isn’t happy, it will be easier for you to explore and resolve the underlying problem long before the upset escalates to dramatic proportions. And as you begin to understand why certain feelings arise, you will be better able to show your love to your partner, even in the middle of an emotional situation.
The road to this state of heightened awareness can be a difficult process for you, since you are rediscovering a realm of emotions that you have been conditioned to avoid over many lifetimes. You must constantly guard against slipping back into your tendency to control everything and fixate on your own goals. This is particularly dangerous because it isolates you from your partner. Staying in the confines of your own world may feel safe and familiar, and yet it doesn’t make you happy because you aren’t sharing the experience of Love and intimacy with another person.
Responding With Empathy
As a Cancer North Node person, you are learning that the bottom line in your intimate relationships is empathy. Whatever your partner is feeling can be healed simply by your caring enough to tune in, ask questions, and respond in a loving way to your partner’s distress. This is what builds the bond that assures that the other person will also be there for you.
The intimate connection you long for can only happen when you become willing to encourage the free exchange of honest emotional communication and self-revelation. It can only be created in the moment, by both people letting each other know how they are being affected by the other and trusting the process to lead to the correct outcome.
Although it may be awkward for you at first, the irony is that once you do tune into the emotional realm and realize its importance, you will find that you have an innate ability to handle feelings in a beautiful, pure way – in total integrity. And you are learning that it’s worth the risk – because a life devoid of sharing feelings, moods, and even occasional upsets with another is a flat and colorless world.
CONCLUSION: LOVE IS THE BOTTOM LINE
All conflicts arise only because of a lack of the direct experience of Love in the moment of the conflict. When we are in a state of Love, everything becomes clear. We know what to do and can easily move through any circumstances.
Ultimately, it is the depth of the Love we experience in our relationships that measures how much contentment we feel in our sojourn on Planet Earth. If we are willing to get out of our own way, the Love that can come to us through our connections with others is overwhelming – almost orgasmic. Step by step we can open ourselves to these realms of satisfaction.
Good luck! The “Path” is dependable and practical. Run the experiments recommended in this report. It may be scary at first – but what is life if not an adventure? You can measure the results as you go. If you never take the risk, you’ll never know how much happiness you are capable of experiencing.
© Jan Spiller; much of the above material is included as part of Jan Spiller’s book Cosmic Love.
Other Love Reports by Jan Spiller
To discover your personal keys to love, romance and happy relationships, we recommend the report Love Scope.
To learn the purpose behind a significant relationship – whether with a spouse, family member, friend or co-worker – and the best approach for success, we recommend the report Successfully Working as a Team.